


Beloved And Precious

by Danruu



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Canon Divergent, M/M, Single-dad-Cullen, Slow Burn, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-09 20:13:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3262913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danruu/pseuds/Danruu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a kmeme prompt. Cullen is raising a baby alone through the events of DA:I, Dorian is more help than he expects. Slow burn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a kmeme prompt that wanted Cullen raising a child on his own, with Dorian always mysteriously being around to help out...
> 
> I totally fell for this prompt, so hoping to make it a long one :D 
> 
> This is definitely more of a prologue than a chapter, setting the scene ahead!

It was sometime after midnight when the crying started, as it always was. Cullen was always grateful for the seemingly endless patience of the Chantry sisters who he shared the building with. They always smiled and said they hadn’t heard a thing, but by the way the wails bounced off the stone walls he was almost certain they were merely trying to spare him any guilt. After all, Madame de Fer had moved out of the Chantry after only two nights to one of Haven’s cabins, under the guise of giving Mother Giselle her room, but Cullen knew the interrupted sleep wasn’t helping anyone. It certainly wasn’t helping him.

 

“Come on now. It’s not that bad. You should try getting stabbed, that really hurts.” He said, lifting the very unhappy baby from the cot by his bed. His words didn’t seem to do much to comfort the teething child, and he sighed as he prepared himself for another long night. His head was already throbbing, and being completely unable to do anything to ease either of their pain always made him feel bad.

 

“Been left with the parenting duties?” A voice surprised him, and Cullen looked up to see Dorian Pavus stood in the doorway, looking bemused. The mage had joined them only a couple of days ago, after helping the Herald in Redcliffe. Cullen had tried to keep past prejudices firmly in the past, especially when he’d heard the man was the son of a Magister as well as a mage, but even so he eyed him warily.

 

“Serah Pavus, do you often walk into private quarters in the Chantry in the middle of the night?” He hadn’t meant to sound quite so accusatory, but Dorian seemed to take it with good humour, slipping into the room and closing the door behind him to at least try and keep the sound of crying contained. Cullen was immediately grateful for that small gesture alone.

 

“I do when there’s the eerie sound of a crying infant in a building almost solely inhabited by Priests yes.” Dorian leaned against the wall casually, a slight smirk on his face and apparently unbothered by the racket coming from the tiny person against Cullen’s chest. “And I’d heard the rumours that our formidable Commander was a proud father and I simply had to see for myself.” He gave Cullen a curious look. “Is your wife not here? I didn’t think Templars got married.”

 

“Some do.” Cullen replied almost automatically, too used to answering questions about the Templars and their marital statuses lately, then sighed. “But no, I’m not married and never have been. He’s not mine... It’s complicated.”  

 

“It certainly sounds it; I don’t know how you find the time to command an army.” Dorian smiled, his face softening a little, but free of sympathy which made a refreshing change. The pitying looks got very tiresome. “And what’s his name? I assume he has one?” Dorian seemed very interested in all this, and Cullen wasn’t quite sure why. He really was trying not to be suspicious, but he was trying to understand what the other man’s motive was.

 

“Tomas.” Cullen didn’t elaborate on the namesake, just breathed a small sigh of relief as Tomas started to quiet, obviously exhausted from his crying.

 

“You know, rubbing brandy into the gums is supposed to help with the pain.” Dorian suggested nonchalantly. “But that might just be Tevinter nonsense. Most noble families just get their slaves to raise their children.”

 

Cullen snorted despite himself. “I am not giving him brandy. It’ll pass. And I have some help, Flissa usually watches him in the day.” He shrugged, moving the now sleeping Tomas back to his cot, moving carefully so he didn’t wake him again.

 

“The Commander of the Inquisition, raising a baby that isn’t his with the tear in the Veil hanging right over our heads.” Dorian said quietly, as though he were thinking out loud. “One day you will have to tell me that story Commander, but for now I’ll leave you both to get some rest.”

 

“You should rest too. You know the Herald plans to try to close the Breach tomorrow.” Cullen pointed out, ignoring the way his stomach flipped at the very thought.

 

“An excellent point. Though I may get a brandy first, I have a sudden desire for it. No idea why.” Dorian winked and smiled, and Cullen found himself returning it. He still wasn’t sure why the Tevinter mage had come to talk to him, but he’d enjoyed the distraction. Perhaps he’d ask him why tomorrow, once the Breach was closed. He tried not to think about any other possibility as he looked at Tomas finally sleeping peacefully.

 

“Good night Commander.”

 

“Good night Dorian.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story starts! As do the SPOILERS for DA:I.
> 
> I skimmed some of the action parts of the attack on Haven, as I assume we've all seen it first hand! (Favourite quest much?) 
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments/kudos/bookmarks so far! I'm so pleased people are liking this idea as much as I am!

It seemed luck was finally on their side, after a few tense weeks with the torn sky looming above them. Between Tevinter time magic and dealing with the Chantry they were owed some good luck as far as Cullen was concerned. The Herald had gone to the Breach with Cassandra and the mages, and by some miracle they had done it. The Breach was closed.

 

Cullen had stayed in Haven in case anything had gone wrong, and he’d watched the sky flash with magic. It sent a small jolt of fear through him, but the sky calmed and he breathed a sigh of relief as the villagers cheered. The celebration was set up faster than Cullen had believed possible upon the return of the Herald and his group, and it occurred to him that the villagers of Haven had never lost hope. They’d been sure that the Herald of Andraste would succeed, and they’d been ready and waiting to celebrate their triumphant return. That thought alone was enough to make him smile. These people had very little, but the Inquisition had made them a community.

 

When Flissa approached him carrying Tomas, Cullen finally let himself relax a little. They’d done it, and while there were still many things that needed their attention, they’d earned a chance to enjoy themselves. For Cullen, that meant finally having a proper sit down, for everyone else it seemed like drinking and dancing was more on the cards.

 

He watched the festivities, bouncing Tomas on his knee as tapped his foot in time with the music. He didn’t even notice Dorian’s approach until he flopped down onto the bench beside him, a cup of wine in hand. “Well isn’t this so very charming? Southerners really are a marvel.” He remarked, apparently being genuine even as he made a face at the wine.

 

Cullen laughed. “Everyone’s relieved, they needed to let loose a little.” Some more than others he noted, judging by how Flissa and Adan were dancing. Maker knew the woman deserved some time off.

 

“Not you though?” Dorian looked curious again, and Cullen was reminded of the way the other man had looked at him the night before as well. What was it about him that Dorian found so interesting?

 

“Honestly? Having a moment to breathe is enough for me.” Cullen looked down at Tomas, who seemed rather fascinated by Dorian and the very shiny metal clasps on his robes. “And getting to spend some time with him without the midnight screaming.”

 

“Ah yes, I suppose free time is a rarity when you’re raising a baby and an army at the same time.” Dorian regarded the baby for a moment, with an expression Cullen couldn’t read on his face. He wasn’t even close to understanding Dorian, and now he felt as curious as the other man seemed to be about him.

 

“Do you have any children?” Maybe that was it? Dorian was from Tevinter, and nobility, surely he’d be married by now? Cullen wasn’t sure if that was how it worked.

 

Dorian’s snort answered that question before he did. “Maker no, I am not exactly a fan of small people, however essential they may be for our continued evolution.” Cullen wasn’t quite sure he believed him, but the next question bubbled up before he could stop it.

 

“So why are you here? With me I mean. Surely there’s someone else who would provide better company for you.” Not everyone was friendly towards the mage from Tevinter, but Dorian seemed to get along well with the Inquisitor’s other companions. Most of them at least.

 

 “You’re not like the others.” Dorian shrugged, like it was obvious.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“You’re not like the other soldiers. You’re their Commander yes, but you’re also raising a child alone. That sets you apart from them. Almost makes you an outcast really.” Dorian grinned as he finished his wine. “And being a social pariah myself, I rather like the company of outcasts.”

 

“Even ones with small people?” Cullen raised an eyebrow.

 

“You are not defined by the fact you have a baby, as much as everyone will try and tell you otherwise.” Dorian shook his head. “And he’s much nicer when he’s quiet. Isn’t that right?” Dorian spoke to Tomas directly, who responded by trying to grab at the white silk of Dorian’s robe. “Oh no you don’t. This is expensive.” He said with a raised eyebrow, pulling back to be out of reach. Cullen laughed and helpfully moved Tomas onto his other knee so he was further away from any expensive Tevinter fashion.

 

“Definitions aside, I am curious. How _does_ an ex-Templar Commander of an army find himself with a child that isn’t his?” Dorian suddenly asked, surprising Cullen with the forthrightness of the question. No one had actually come and asked him yet, not even Cassandra, though he was sure she thought Tomas was his and just wasn’t going to pry.

 

“Well...” He was about to tell the story, when a commotion outside the gate suddenly caught his attention. He’d been so distracted by the festivities he hadn’t spared a glance at the mountain paths over the frozen lake, now the warning bell was ringing loud and clear across the village.

 

“What in the Maker’s name...” Cullen stood and his eyes widened as he caught sight of the soldiers heading towards Haven. There were so many of them, spilling over the mountain like lines of ants. There was nothing peaceful about the way they marched, no banners or heraldry. He was almost certain that the village was under attack.

 

The panic spread through the villagers like wildfire, and the square cleared as frightened people ran back to their homes. Cullen could see the Herald running for the gates. He had to be there. Turning to Dorian, he looked at him desperately. “Dorian...”

 

The mage looked concerned too, a dark expression on his face. He seemed to know what Cullen was about to ask him. “Cullen...”

 

“Dorian, please. I need you to take Tomas. Head to the Chantry, gather anyone you can on the way and get them there. It’s the safest building in Haven.” Cullen could hear fighting outside the gate already. He cursed under his breath, and it seemed any argument Dorian was going to make was abandoned. “In my room there’s a bag that’s got some emergency supplies, grab it, and wait in the Chantry. I’ll join you there as soon as I’m able.”

 

“There are an awful lot of them heading this way Commander.” Dorian pointed out quietly, but he took Tomas from Cullen, holding him carefully against the Tevinter silks he’d pulled away not long before. “What happens if...” He couldn’t finish the sentence.

 

“Protect them, whatever it takes.” Cullen looked at Tomas, who seemed to be aware that something was happening around him. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard the panicked voices of adults around him after all. Cullen tried not to let that thought fester too long, but his hand lingered protectively on the baby’s head for just a moment before pulling away.

 

“Cullen.” Dorian started, before faltering. Their eyes met for a moment, and he didn’t have to say it. Cullen already knew, and he smiled the best he could before turning and running for the gate.

 

*

 

Red Templars. Cullen had never heard of anything like that before, but the boy at the gates had told them who they were with wide fearful eyes. A monstrous figure on the hill, flanked by Samson. Samson, of all people. But there hadn’t been time to think about what that meant, not when they had a village of civilians to protect.

 

The battle had been going well, the first trebuchet had cut the Templar numbers significantly, and Trevelyan had been plugging the gaps where they needed more support. Cullen had pulled as many of his recruits back as he could to defend the gates of Haven, many of them were new to battle, and no match at all for these monsters.

 

 When the second trebuchet fired, Cullen almost allowed himself a smile. With so many now buried under rocks and snow, they could win this. That victory was short lived however, as the dragon appeared over the mountains. One trebuchet destroyed, half of Haven now burning, Cullen knew the plan had to change. The Chantry was their only hope now. He helped as many as he could get to the building, including the mortally wounded Chancellor Roderick, being supported by the strange boy who’d warned them about the attack in the first place.

 

Trevelyan, Cassandra, and the rest of his companions arrived only moments later, with a few more of the survivors. Cullen was relieved to see Flissa among them, injured but alive. Dorian emerged from Cullen's room, still holding Tomas, who was crying into Dorian’s shoulder from all the commotion. “What is going on out there? We heard an explosion...” He lowered his voice. “It’s not good is it?”

 

Cullen shook his head, looking around the Chantry so he didn’t have to face Dorian’s questioning stare. So few had made it, there couldn’t be more than thirty people here, though many had also taken to the hills in hope of avoiding the invaders completely. He hoped they would, because he doubted their own chances.

 

Trevelyan wanted a plan, it was written all over his face, but what could he give? There was nothing he could think of to help them. Cullen sighed. “There are no tactics to make this survivable, save turning the trebuchets onto the mountains above us.”

 

“What?” Dorian looked at him incredulously. “That’s not acceptable!”

 

“To hit the enemy we’d bury Haven.” Trevelyan pointed out, looking just as lost as Cullen felt, and Cullen couldn’t miss that glance the Herald shot at Tomas. The thought of doing this made him sick, but as far as he could see they were out of options.

 

“We’re dying. But we can choose how. Many don’t get that choice.” Cullen bit his lip as an image of Kirkwall flashed in his mind, but now was not the time to think about that. He needed to stay in the moment, the here and now. However much of it they had left.

 

“Are you hearing yourself? We can’t just roll over and let them beat us!” Dorian argued, rounding on Cullen with a thunderous expression. “Would you honestly kill Tomas yourself on the chance that we can’t make it?” As if on cue the crying got louder again, Tomas responding the fearful heated voices the only way a baby could. Both the comment and the sound hurt Cullen more than he could admit.

 

It was Cole who interrupted them in the end, and as Chancellor Roderick spoke they all fell silent, even Tomas’ wails turning into hiccups. There was the plan, as clear as day. Cullen would take what precious few people they had left and escape through the Chantry path, while Trevelyan would strike the dragon with the trebuchet and escape through the mountains. It wasn’t ideal, but this way at least some of them might be saved.

 

“I should go with the Herald...” Cullen said as he watched Trevelyan speak to Cassandra and Iron Bull by the doors of the Chantry. Guilt was already curling in his gut watching them nod at each other, then brace by the door waiting for the survivors to leave the hall.

 

“The people need you here.” Dorian said firmly. “You are their Commander. And you have someone who depends on you even more than that. Let it go. And let’s come along.” Dorian spoke far more sense than Cullen would have ever credited him for. He relented, nodding before moving to he help the boy, Cole, assist Chancellor Roderick.  

 

He turned to Dorian, looking at Tomas with a frown. He wanted to take the baby, protect him from whatever they might face in the tunnels and beyond. But right now he had to be a leader, as difficult as that might be. “Are you okay to..?”

 

Dorian waved his free hand impatiently, hoisting the bag on his shoulder. “Yes yes I’ve got him. I've at least learned how to hold a baby today if nothing else. Though if we survive all this you owe me a new robe Commander.”

 

“If we survive this I’ll get you two.” Cullen replied, then headed down the dark corridor towards the mountain path, muttering a desperate prayer to whoever might be listening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr at: http://stripeydani.tumblr.com/


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Consider this a filler chapter... They'll get to Skyhold eventually, I just wanted some sad Cullen and Dorian hanging out with the boys xD 
> 
> I'm overwhelmed with the amazing response this has got so far, you're all wonderful <3

“So it seems you owe me two new robes after all.”

 

Cullen managed a small laugh, but there wasn’t much feeling behind it. They had survived the attack on Haven, and with the combined effort of those left they’d managed to set up a functioning camp. The Maker had smiled on them a little, they had managed to find some of their scattered animals, and more survivors had found them safely, but it was far from a permanent solution. For now they were stranded, and even with the miraculous return of the Herald tensions were high.

 

Dorian frowned as he looked over Cullen, hunched over on a bench in front of his tent, where Tomas was sleeping wrapped in Cullen’s coat. He ignored the scrutiny, massaging his temples. His head was pounding in that painfully familiar way, and the nausea was clawing at his insides. The cold air wasn’t helping, and he shivered at the wind whipped around him.

 

“When was the last time you slept?” Dorian asked, trying to sound gentle rather than accusing.

 

“I got a couple of hours last night.” Cullen shrugged, though it looked more like another shiver. He wasn’t wearing his armour, and it made him look smaller, thinner, nothing left of the intimidating Commander he was the rest of the time.  

 

“And when was the last time you ate?”

 

Another shrug. Dorian made an irritated noise in the back of his throat as he sat down beside him. “You have to take care of yourself you know. They need you.” He gestured to the other tents, the people milling about around fires. He didn’t need to mention the baby sleeping peacefully in the tent behind them; he knew how much Cullen was feeling that pressure. It was the reason he was shivering in his thin shirt after all.

 

“I’ve already let them down.” Cullen muttered, looking at the ground. He was exhausted, physically and mentally, and the guilt was gnawing at him as sure as the cold.

 

“You didn’t attack Haven, and there are a lot of people still standing than not. That’s more than we could have hoped for. And hope is apparently an important thing, if all that singing was anything to go by...” Dorian trailed off as Cullen barely stifled a sob, a hand over his face as he crumpled.

 

For a moment neither of them said anything, Dorian not moving but letting Cullen pull himself back together. He took a few shuddering breaths and rubbed his face, sitting up again as if nothing had happened, and Dorian gave him a little smile. “Sorry.” Cullen mumbled.

 

“You’re exhausted.” Dorian replied simply. “Falling apart is a common side effect. You might want to try sleeping, since having a break seems out of the question.”

 

“Too much to do.” As if on cue, the familiar sound of Tomas rang out through the camp. Cullen jumped to his feet almost immediately to fetch him, and Dorian was torn between admiration and frustration.

 

As Cullen emerged from the tent with Tomas, wearing his coat again, Dorian spun on his seat to face him. “You need to let someone help.” It might be a losing battle trying to reason with the Commander, but Dorian was nothing if not stubborn.

 

Cullen glared at him. “I can’t. Everyone is busy; everyone in the Inquisition has other things that have to take priority. I can’t burden them with my decisions.”

 

 “You need to be selfish, not just for you.” How much longer could Cullen shoulder the Inquisition’s problems as well as Tomas? His back was already breaking under the strain, anything else and Dorian was worried about what might happen.

 

“It was selfishness that brought him here. I never should have...” Cullen shook his head, running a hand through his unkempt hair as he sat back down, one hand cradling the baby protectively. “In Kirkwall, when the Circle fell and Meredith went mad... a lot of people died. I found him. Both his parents were dead, no one even knew who they were, they were probably refugees. I should have left him in the orphanage, or found someone else to take him in, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. It was selfish of me. He’d be better off elsewhere.”

 

“Better off in some orphanage in a half-destroyed city? Please.” Dorian scoffed. “I know you’re enjoying your self-pity right now, but let me tell you something, Commander, I’ve been to Kirkwall, and that child would not have been better off. Chances are he would have already caught some foul disease and died like so many others. At least here he has someone who cares enough to keep him safe.”

 

Cullen looked slightly taken aback, but he had to admit Dorian had a point. A good one. “I suppose so.”

 

“I know so.” Dorian replied curtly. “Now, you’re going to give me the baby, and you’re going to sleep, and then you’re going to eat. And then afterwards you’re going to play chess with me, a little bird told me you play.”

 

“I thought you didn’t like children.” Cullen looked bemused, which was better than miserable.

 

Dorian laughed a little. “I don’t, but I’m feeling charitable.”

 

“Dorian...” Cullen started, but Dorian held up a hand that was surprisingly commanding.

 

“Not for you, for him! It can’t be good for a child to be around so much fretting. Poor thing will get worry lines before he’s two.” Dorian flashed Cullen a charming smile, and held his hands out expectantly. Cullen only hesitated for a moment before handing Tomas to him, finally accepting defeat.

 

“There. That wasn’t so hard was it?” Dorian looked smug, and Cullen opted to ignore it as he stumbled into his tent for a nap.

 

*

 

“Left holding the baby, huh?” Iron Bull and Varric looked amused as Dorian trudged over to where they were playing cards, Tomas happily drooling onto more expensive silk.

 

Dorian gave them both a withering look. “Don’t either of you dare suggest anything. I’m just doing my part to make sure the Inquisition doesn’t fall apart.” Dorian glared as Bull laughed and Varric rolled his eyes.

 

“If that’s how you want to dress it up that’s fine, I just thought you didn’t like kids.”

 

Dorian huffed. “I don’t.”

 

“Sure doesn’t look that way to me.” Varric pointed out with that irritatingly smug grin on his face. “And don’t think we didn’t notice you asking Nightingale what Curly does in his free time...”

 

“ _Vishante kaffas..._ ” Dorian muttered.

 

“Now now, don’t swear in front of the baby. You’ll teach him bad habits.” Iron Bull chuckled, only laughing harder as Dorian responded with a middle finger instead as he shoved the qunari over so he could sit closer to the warmth of the fire, smirking as Tomas immediately made a grab for the cards in Bull’s hand, revealing them neatly to Varric.

 

Out of the corner of his eye Dorian caught sight of Mother Giselle watching them, and more specifically him, a clear look of concern on her face. He responded with a cheery wave, making Tomas wave one chubby arm at her too. She obviously didn’t find it amusing, and he was met with a look colder than the snow under their feet.

 

“Looks like she doesn’t approve of Cullen’s choice of babysitter.” Varric snorted.

 

“More like step-mother-to-be...” Iron Bull didn’t get to finish his sentence as Dorian aimed one sharp elbow into the qunari’s ribcage. Honestly, some people just had no tact.  


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, as you can see I've been pulled into the trashabyss and it takes the right kind of mood for Single-Dad-Cullen xD 
> 
> Thank you again for every kudos/comment/bookmark, you guys don't even know how much I appreciate every single one ;_;

Skyhold was the miracle they’d been waiting for. Cullen could barely believe it when he saw it for the first time, the overwhelming relief almost enough to reduce him to tears again. It was a fortress the Inquisition could make its own, and that’s exactly what they intended to do. Now they had a home, they had an Inquisitor, and there was hope in the air again.

 

Of course, with all these things came work, and a lot of it. Cullen hadn’t yet claimed a space in Skyhold, a table set up by the gates to coordinate the soldiers and assist the increasing number of refugees that headed their way.

 

There were a lot of bemused stares at the Commander of the Inquisition planning repairs and ordering people about with a baby balanced carefully on one hip. Everyone was busy, and Cullen had become rather used to having Tomas attached to him most of the time now. Cole was particularly fascinated by Tomas, and he’d taken up hovering nearby whenever Cullen was working in the courtyard.

 

An unusual babysitter perhaps, a lost spirit, but Cole always held him carefully and never left Cullen’s sight, as if he understood. Although given his unique abilities, Cullen was fairly sure he knew. “Fire and smoke. A city burning. He doesn’t remember, not really, but the hurt is still there. He can’t fix it yet.”

 

“Yes Cole, I know.” Cullen always sighed at the slightly disconcerting insights into Tomas’ mind from Cole.

 

“Interesting company you’re keeping.” Dorian’s voice rang out over the courtyard, and Cullen looked up with a smile. Dorian had been equally busy since their arrival, and Cullen had to admit he’d been missing the presence of the mage.

 

“Well since my usual babysitter has abandoned me in favour of the library I had to make do.” Cullen shot back, drawing a delighted laugh from Dorian.

 

“I knew you’d be lost without me.” Dorian neatly moved his robe away from Tomas, who was already stretching out to grab at it. Cullen had to suppress a grin at that. “And I’ve been sent by Leliana, so it’s not just a social visit.”

 

Cullen rolled his eyes. “It’s about my room again isn’t it?” He thought he’d made a good choice; the tower in the middle of the battlements was far enough away from the barracks that no one would be disturbed by a still-teething baby in the middle of the night, and it gave Cullen some much needed space.

 

“It has a hole in the ceiling.” Dorian replied, looking unimpressed.

 

“It’s no worse than a tent.” Cullen shrugged.

 

“Tomas is never goes cold; he knows there’s always someone near to make sure he’s warm.” Cole piped up from the floor, and Cullen couldn’t resist smiling smugly at Dorian. He wasn’t always comfortable with what Cole said, but the spirit always managed to make him feel like less of a failure when it came to Tomas. He needed it, though again he was fairly sure Cole knew that.

 

“Cole, will you go and help Varric with whatever he’s doing? This one needs a nap.” Cullen took Tomas from Cole, who almost looked disappointed, but then nodded and was gone before either of them had really had time to process it.

 

“What a strange and remarkable thing that boy is.” Dorian commented, surprising Cullen by following him up the steps to the battlements. Noticing Cullen’s look the mage smiled brightly. “I thought we could have another game of chess, now we’re not sitting in snow and you look like you managed at least an hour of sleep.”

 

Cullen paused for a moment. His reasons for departing to his rooms was not just because of Tomas, his head was pounding and his heart was beating faster than it should, making him sweat like he’d run a marathon. The lyrium withdrawal came in waves, and this one looked like it might be particularly bad.

 

But with Tomas there was no time to stop, no time to be sick, even when he was asleep Cullen was fretting, so having someone to distract him might well be the best thing for him. So he forced a smile. “I’d like that.”

 

They made their way into his office, and Cullen looked on in amusement as Dorian regarded his room with some disdain, though his expression seemed to soften a little when he spotted the corner dedicated to Tomas’ bed.

 

Dorian ran a finger over the varnished wood of the baby’s new crib. “Well that’s certainly an improvement on the crate he had before.” He commented, feigning disinterest even as he looked closer.

 

“Blackwall made it for him.” Cullen smiled as he put Tomas down. “He said it wouldn’t do for a Commander’s son to be sleeping in a box.” He’d been surprised by the gesture, and by the detail put into it. Though it served as a good reminder that they’d been in Skyhold for well over a week now, and maybe it was about time he moved his operations up to his office permanently. It would certainly be easier to watch Tomas if he was indoors.

 

Dorian was blissfully unaware of Cullen’s constant stream of thoughts as he stepped away from the crib. “That explains the griffons...” He said, then moved back to Cullen’s desk, looking expectant. “Come on now Commander, I came here for chess not to admire the fact that apparently Blackwall has more talents than hitting darkspawn with his shield.”

 

Cullen left Tomas happily babbling to himself as he followed Dorian, not expecting to stumble. He gritted his teeth and clung to the bookcase as the whole room suddenly span nauseatingly fast. “Commander? Cullen? Are you alright?” Of course Dorian had noticed, and Cullen waved him off, sitting in his chair and forcing another smile.

 

“Fine, just lost my balance a little. Shall we play?” He pulled the chess set out from under a stack of papers, setting up the pieces and pointedly ignored Dorian’s stare. At least he’d been right about the game being a good distraction; they’d fallen into almost silence as they played, and Cullen was grateful for something to do that wasn’t reading reports.

 

“So...” Dorian started, keeping his voice low for the sake of the sleeping baby behind him. “How long have you been off the lyrium?”

 

Cullen twitched, knocking over a piece with the involuntary movement. It was too much to hope that Dorian wouldn’t know how Southern Templars worked perhaps, the man was too smart for his own good sometimes, a fact Cullen didn’t voice. Instead he sighed. “Four months.”

 

Dorian looked sympathetic, and a little curious. “And you’re still affected?”

 

“It comes and goes.” Cullen shrugged. “I have a lot to keep me occupied at least. And it’s not nearly as bad as it was.” He didn’t like to remember that first month.

 

“You went through lyrium withdrawal while you had Tomas? Maker I knew Fereldens were a stubborn lot, but you really push it don’t you?” Dorian shook his head with a snort of disbelief.

 

“I’d rather you didn’t make light of it.” Cullen replied sharply. “It’s a damned miracle that either of us are still here.” More than a few times in that first month he’d stared at the single blue vial he had left, sick and sweating, going through every argument for and against his mind could conjure up, driving himself to tears with indecision, with guilt. He should be taking it, so he could be a better parent for Tomas. But he knew he’d have only failed them both if he did.  

 

Dorian fell silent for a moment, hand hovering over a chess piece before he fell back in his chair. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” He said, face falling. Cullen felt guilty almost immediately. “You’ve done an incredible thing you know, and to hear that you did it while suffering... I admire you Commander. I may be more sarcastic than most people can handle, but I’d like to help if I can, so never be afraid to ask.”

 

 Cullen wasn’t used to people offering to help him, at least not with the sincerity of the man sat opposite him. It made his stomach clench in a way he didn’t quite understand, and he finally smiled genuinely at Dorian. “I thought you didn’t like children.”

 

“I don’t. But I like _you_ Cullen, so I’m willing to make an exception.” Dorian looked right at him, and Cullen was sure his cheeks were pink, though he had no idea why. “Now shut up and play chess before you wake the baby.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew getting there. There are maybe two or three chapters left of this? Idk we'll see how it goes when I sit down to write xD
> 
> It occurs to me that I don't actually know what Tomas looks like. Suggestions always welcome :P
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone reading this, you guys inspire me <3

Life had a funny way of getting on with things even during times of great upheaval and change. Skyhold quickly became a home to Cullen before he’d even had a chance to notice how comfortable he finally was. Between running a war and taking care of a now (or so he’d guessed) seven month old baby he barely had a chance to notice much of anything.

 

It didn’t help that the Inquisition was needing more and more of his time, while Tomas had also decided that he needed more and more of his time. Cullen supposed he should be pleased that Tomas could feel separation anxiety, and Vivienne (who surprised him with her knowledge of child-rearing) assured him that it was entirely normal and a good sign.

 

However that did mean that going to the War Room for meetings now had the baby in an inconsolable state if he was left with anyone other than Dorian. Who seemed torn between being delighted and horrified by the news, but begrudgingly turned up twice a week to play babysitter when he wasn’t out with the Inquisitor.

 

“I don’t know why he likes me so much.” He complained to Cullen about two weeks into their new arrangement. They were playing another game of chess, another habit that had formed simply because there didn’t seem to be anyone else around who played. Dorian’s knee was twitching as he studied the board, Tomas rolling contentedly on a blanket on the floor a few feet away. “I never gave him any impression that I wanted to be his second father.”

 

“He’s a baby Dorian I don’t think it’s a conscious decision.” Cullen commented as he moved a piece on the board. Dorian was particularly energetic today, the nervous kind that made Cullen feel more on edge just being around him. “And you did carry him through Haven, maybe he just assumes whoever rescues him from burning towns is a parent now.” That had sounded less depressing in his head.

 

Dorian laughed, but it was a cold one that made Cullen look up. The mage looked bothered by something, and Cullen wanted to ask what was wrong. He felt close to the other man, they’d formed a friendship between Haven and Skyhold, and it had been so long since Cullen had felt close to anyone that he felt particularly protective of Dorian. It was silly really; the man was more than capable of looking after himself.

 

He must have been staring, because Dorian raised an eyebrow. “Am I that transparent?” He joked, but it came out a little flat. He sighed. “If you must know I got a letter, and no I don’t want to talk about it, but I will be away from Skyhold for a while. The Inquisitor and I are going to the Hinterlands.” Dorian stared at the chessboard, but he wasn’t really looking at it.

 

“You and the Inquisitor?” Cullen asked, innocently enough, though his stomach curled strangely at the thought. The subject of Dorian’s sexuality had come about quite by chance as he’d told an elaborate tale of a Tevinter garden party he’d attended once, and he’d laughed when Cullen’s ears had gone red from the finer details. Beyond that they hadn’t spoken of it, but now it occurred to Cullen that perhaps Dorian and the Inquisitor... well it wasn’t the most ridiculous thing he’d heard all day.

 

Dorian seemed to think so though, and he laughed with more warmth than before. “I believe our dear Inquisitor only has eyes for a certain Seeker with bad taste in books.” He laughed again at the expression on Cullen’s face. “Honestly Commander the things you miss.” He said it with some affection, and Cullen smiled.

 

“I am a bit of a recluse up here.” He admitted, looking over at Tomas who was making a valiant attempt to roll towards Dorian’s legs and the shiny buckles of his boots. He didn’t mind being a recluse sometimes. “How long will you be gone for?” He asked carefully, trying not to sound too despondent at the idea of Dorian being away again.

 

“Not long enough it seems. I need a break from you because I am not your mother or a chew toy you pest.” He said to Tomas, who had succeeded in getting close enough to Dorian to attempt to climb up his leg. He smiled at Cullen as he promptly lifted and handed his baby back to him. “We’ll be back in eight days.”

 

*

 

Eight days later and the small party returned, just as Dorian had said. Cullen was looking forward to seeing him, though he was currently trapped in the War Room with Josephine and Leliana having a heated debate about their next movement of troops in the Western Approach. When the Inquisitor and Cassandra joined them Cullen definitely noticed the faint blush on both their cheeks as they spoke to each other, and did Cassandra just giggle? He really had got bad at noticing these things.

 

Cullen was keen to see Dorian, but first he had to get Tomas off the poor girl he’d been left bawling with two hours ago. He really hoped Vivienne was right about the separation anxiety stopping soon. He walked briskly through Skyhold and back up to his tower, opening the door to find the room empty. Very empty.

 

Cullen frowned, turning on his heel and walking back out again. Where on earth had she got to? He reached the rotunda where Solas was painting, and the elf regarded him for a moment before pointing upwards, towards the library. “He’s up there Commander.”

 

“Tomas?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Cullen frowned. “With Dorian?”

 

“Yes.” Solas looked bemused, but Cullen pushed that thought out of his mind as he thanked the elf and headed for the winding staircase up to the library.

 

Dorian was sat in his chair by the window, staring out of it glassily. His eyes were wet, red, and he looked exhausted. Tomas was lying against his chest, fast asleep as Dorian stroked the fine hair on the baby’s head. Cullen paused for a moment, his stomach clenching at the sight. He didn’t want to interrupt the peaceful scene, but Dorian caught sight of him before he could back away.

 

“I’m sorry.” Dorian said immediately, making no effort to hide his eyes or fix his dishevelled hair. “I should have asked...”

 

Cullen cut him off with a shake of his head. “It’s okay.” A pause. He wasn’t sure if he should ask what was obviously hanging in the air. “Are you alright?”

 

“No. Not really.” Dorian sighed, and Cullen stepped into the alcove so he could hover a little closer. “I got a letter from my father. I went to meet him in Redcliffe. It... didn’t go well.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“I wouldn’t get married and play pretend just to suit my father’s wishes. His response was to try and use blood magic to... change me. That’s why I left Tevinter.” Dorian kept his eyes firmly on the window. “Sorry, the Inquisitor got the more emotional retelling of this tale, the luck of the draw. I’m rather sick of it by now.”

 

“Dorian...” Cullen didn’t know what to say.

 

“He taught me to hate blood magic, but he taught me to hate myself more. That’s what I can’t forgive.” Dorian looked down at Tomas and laughed. “It’s funny; I always quite liked the idea of being a father. I like to think I’d do a better job of it than my own.”

 

“You already do.” There was a lot more Cullen wanted to say in that moment, how he couldn’t have done any of it without Dorian, how much the man had kept him going, how every moment he was with him he felt... brighter. But all those words died in his throat as Dorian blinked very fast, and instead Cullen knelt down and pulled him into a hug instead, Tomas between them.

 

Dorian seemed surprised for a moment, then his free arm wrapped around Cullen’s shoulder as he buried his face in the fur of the Commander’s coat. “What’s your father like?” He asked, voice quiet as he struggled to get a handle on his emotions.

 

“My father?” Cullen blinked over Dorian’s shoulder. “His name is... was Tomas. He was a simple man. A farmer. Who got married and had four children. He was just a good man.”

 

Dorian smiled, holding onto the baby a little tighter when he heard who his namesake was. “Good men make good sons.”

 

“Not always true.” Cullen said, pulling back a little, but letting Dorian rest his head in the fur.

 

Dorian snorted. “You’re a good man.”

 

“I wasn’t always.”

 

They stayed in silence for a bit, Cullen’s arm slung loosely over Dorian’s shoulder, Dorian’s head against his own, Tomas stirring a little between them. It was a rather intimate moment to be shared in a corner of the library, and Cullen tried not to flush thinking about it.

 

After a few minutes Dorian laughed, sounding more like himself again. “I can see why Tomas likes this furry thing so much; it is rather comfortable isn’t it?”

 

Cullen chuckled, and they finally pulled away from each other. “It’s certainly better than metal.” His smiled wavered as he gave Dorian a concerned look. “Are you... going to be okay?”

 

Dorian smiled at him, the hand that was on his shoulder trailing round to cup Cullen’s cheek. The touch was unexpected, but not unwelcome. Cullen felt himself tense a little, but Dorian’s thumb brushing over his stubbled jaw was... nice. The air was suddenly very difficult to breathe, they were so close. He could lean forward just a little more, he was sure Dorian was doing the same...

 

Which was of course the moment Tomas rejoined the waking world in true Tomas style. Crying babies were not something that belonged in a library, and Cullen was pulling back and away from Dorian before he knew it. He missed the warmth almost immediately, and his cheeks flushed.

 

“I’d... better go. He needs feeding.” Cullen glanced around, suddenly feeling very jumpy. Dorian was smiling an unreadable smile as he handed Tomas over to him.

 

“Yes I think it’s time for me to drink myself into a stupor, it’s been that sort of day.” Dorian said off-handedly. “I’d say you should join me, but I imagine you’ll have your hands full.” He smirked and Cullen blinked rapidly.

 

“Chess tomorrow?” He said after a moment of wondering what to say while Tomas squirmed irritably in his hold.

  
“I never miss it.”

 

Cullen was satisfied with that even as his stomach did another somersault, but he turned to walk away before he said something stupid. Before he reached the stairs he did remember one last thing and turned. “Oh, and Dorian?”

 

“Yes?”

 

Cullen grinned smugly. “I knew you didn’t hate children really.”

 

“ _Kaffas!_ Get out of here Commander.”

 

Cullen laughed all the way down the stairs.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Full time work sucks doesn't it? xD 
> 
> I'm almost done with this fic, which is kind of sad because I'm awfully attached to it! 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's shown their support, you guys really are the best <3

“I will not be attending Halamshiral if I can’t bring Tomas with me and that is the end of the discussion.” This conversation was slowly getting circular, and Leliana had long since checked out of it, leaving Josephine to try to argue.

 

“Cullen it’s dangerous!” Josephine looked despairingly at him.

 

Cullen snorted derisively. “I made it through Kirkwall with him; I really don’t think a couple of nights in an Orlesian palace are going to be a huge risk. No one has to know who he is.” It made perfect sense to Cullen. He couldn’t leave Tomas for almost a week, not while he was teething and anxious all the time. “

 

Josephine sighed, finally seeing that she wasn’t going to win this. “Alright. Bring Tomas, but we will have to arrange for someone to take care of him the night of the ball, we can’t be seen bringing a child into Duchess Florianne’s soiree.”

 

“I have a good agent who has two children of her own, I’ll ask her. Just in case anyone thinks kidnapping the Inquisition’s baby is a good idea.” Leliana piped up from her seat at the war table, and Cullen smiled gratefully at her.

 

“There see? Everything is sorted.” Cullen tried not to look too smug. “Now unless there’s anything else, I assume we all have packing to do?”

 

*

 

“You shouldn’t be taking him.” Dorian said flatly, falling into step with the Commander as their party headed to Halamshiral.

 

“Don’t you start.” Cullen rolled his eyes as he hoisted Tomas a little further up; half wishing he’d brought the sling even if the others made fun of him for it.

 

Neither Cullen nor Dorian had brought up their moment from the other week, and things had gone back to normal between them. Though Dorian was far less opposed to holding Tomas now, even when the baby had been delightfully sick down one of his favourite outfits. Cullen had found it funny, even if the mage hadn’t.

 

“What if someone kidnaps him? Holds him to ransom?”

 

Cullen snorted. “Oh please, if anyone was going to kidnap him it would be Cole. The boy’s obsessed.” Noticing Dorian’s scowl Cullen sighed. “It’s fine! Leliana’s got one of her best agents to look after him when I can’t, and there’s only one night that I have to attend that ridiculous ball anyway. If it was such a problem you could have stayed in Skyhold to take care of him.”

 

Dorian’s scowled deepened and Cullen knew he was in trouble as the mage stalked off in front to find Vivienne to bother instead. He sighed again, until Tomas pulled his hair.

 

“Problem?” Cassandra was hovering, a curious expression on her face. Cullen had always assumed she thought he was lying about having a child to try and save some face as a Templar, he’d also assumed she didn’t really like children; she’d never been particularly interested in Tomas before, but now she seemed to be transfixed by him.

 

“Nothing, it’s fine.” Cullen shifted Tomas so he closer to Cassandra, and she seemed to be holding back a smile as the baby stared at her. “Is there anything I can help with Cassandra?”

 

“Hm? Oh. No!” Was she blushing? Cullen looked between her and the Inquisitor, who was walking in front talking animatedly with Varric and Bull and occasionally throwing his head back to laugh. Oh. Now he understood.

 

“The Inquisitor is quite the man isn’t he?” Cullen said innocently, almost laughing at Cassandra looked panicked.

 

“I don’t know. I’ve not noticed!” She said, but there was no mistaking the way her eyes lingered on him before turning back to look at Tomas, who was smiling at her in that painfully adorable way he did to new people.

 

Perhaps it was the fresh air and the fact Cullen was in a rather good mood, but he suddenly turned to Cassandra. “I need to have a word with Leliana, would you mind?”

 

“What?” Cassandra didn’t have time to say no as Cullen handed her Tomas, and her face alone was worth it. But as he also had expected, she took to it gracefully, finally letting herself smile as Tomas babbled at her. As Cullen broke away to find Leliana, he caught sight of both the Inquisitor and Dorian. The Inquisitor was smiling at Cassandra, and Dorian was smiling at him. It gained the same flush from both of the warriors in question.

 

*

 

The Winter Palace was beautiful, opulent, and completely out of Cullen’s comfort zone as most things Orlesian were. He was Ferelden through and through, and Dorian had finally forgiven him enough to start teasing him about it.

 

They only had a few hours of rest at the villa they’d procured for the duration of the trip before they had to be at the ball, and everyone had disappeared into rooms to bathe and dress. Cullen hadn’t had a chance to, as Tomas’ mood had changed dramatically from the journey and he was now a screaming monster.

 

“Well that noise isn’t going to do is it?” Dorian didn’t knock, strolling into Cullen’s room with a sympathetic expression; at least until he saw Cullen sat on the floor still in his travelling clothes. “Oh for... You do realise we have a ball to go to in roughly an hour? Why aren’t you ready?”

 

Cullen gave him a withering look. “I think you can see why.”

 

Dorian sighed, a sound that could only be described as ‘long-suffering’. “Right, give him here then get behind that screen and bathe. Though if he vomits on this jacket I won’t be best pleased.” Cullen then noticed that Dorian was already dressed, hair carefully styled, smelling of the exotic Tevinter perfumes he only used on special occasions. He looked good, and Cullen flushed a little, handing Tomas to him without a word.

 

Safely behind the screen, Cullen stripped off, getting into the lukewarm water of the bath with only a token shiver. It was unseasonably warm in Orlais, no doubt why Tomas had been so unhappy. Though he was now laughing happily with Dorian. Traitor. Though Dorian was speaking in Tevene to him, and Cullen was happy to listen to his voice.

 

He didn’t take long, years of quick washes and the last few months with a baby meant he’d perfected the art of scrubbing down quickly, taking only a moment longer to wash the dust out of his hair with the extra pail of water. He towelled down and wrapped the largest towel around his waist before stepping out.

 

Dorian was sat on the floor, Tomas in his lap, summoning illusions of butterflies that Tomas was grabbing for. Well, that was certainly a unique way to keep him entertained. Dorian looked up, and Cullen wasn’t quite sure, but he thought he saw an expression of... something... flicker across Dorian’s face as he took in the sight of the Commander in just a towel.

 

Cullen didn’t waste time grabbing his formal clothes, carefully laid out on a chair by his dresser, and ducked behind the screen again.

 

“So... Out of interest,” Dorian’s voice piped up as Cullen pulled on the uncomfortable trousers. “If Tomas was a mage what would you do?”

 

That hadn’t been what Cullen expected Dorian to bring up, and he peered around the screen. “What? Why do you ask?”

 

“I’m curious.” Dorian shrugged. “Given you used to be a Templar. What would you do?”

 

Cullen slipped on his jacket and stood in the middle of the room while he fastened the buckles, his face was thoughtful. “I knew a Templar back in Kirkwall whose daughter was a mage. He didn’t think we knew but we all did. She escaped the Circle and became an Abomination. It was very sad.” He hadn’t thought about Thrask for years. “I wouldn’t want that to happen to Tomas. I’d do whatever I could to make sure it didn’t.”

 

“That’s not an answer.” Dorian pointed out, shifting Tomas in his arms. The baby was falling asleep, and Dorian stood to put him in the cot Cullen had been lent by the owner of the estate.

 

“No it’s not an answer. But it’s all I’ve got right now. He probably won’t be a mage. Neither of his parents were. Sometimes I wonder about them. Who they were. What they did.”

 

“Just because they weren’t mages doesn’t mean he won’t be. Funny thing, magic. Sneaks up on you.” Dorian said, and smiled. “Honestly I’m surprised you let me cast spells in front of him. Even a harmless one like that.”

 

Cullen frowned. “Why would I mind? I trust you.”

 

“Oh.”

 

They fell silent, and Cullen sat down in front of the dresser to try and make his curls behave. Dorian watched him for a moment, then laughed quietly. “Let me help, this is killing me.” He stood behind Cullen, pulling a comb from his pocket and drawing it carefully through the blond hair.

 

“You have a comb in your pocket?” Cullen said, more to fill the silence and the growing awareness that Dorian had one hand on the back of his neck to keep him still. He could feel the blush creeping up his cheeks.

 

“I, unlike some people I know, take pride in my appearance. Though you rarely walk around with these curls out so you must do something more than I expected.” Dorian chuckled, carefully taming Cullen’s mane.

 

“You smell really good.” Cullen said, tensing up the moment the words left his mouth. Did he really just say that? The comb in his hair paused for a moment, then carried on as if he hadn’t just blurted out something ridiculous. Maker what was wrong with him?

 

“There. I think you’re done. Looking as presentable as any Ferelden can I suppose.”

 

Cullen stood up and turned, but Dorian didn’t move away and they were suddenly very close to each other. Dorian was just a little taller than him, and Cullen hadn’t noticed that before. But now it was very obvious as he had to tilt his head just slightly to look at him. He really was very close...

 

“Commander Cullen!” A voice from the door made him jump back, almost straight into the dresser. A woman was at the door. “Sister Nightingale sent me to watch the baby. And she requests that you and Lord Dorian go to meet them downstairs now, if you’re ready.”

 

Dorian faked a bright smile, stepping away and heading for the door. “Right, time to get to it. Empire to save and all that.” Then he was gone.

 

Cullen stayed behind only a little longer to show the woman where everything was, and to spare Tomas a glance before he headed out of his room. It wasn’t until the door clicked behind him and he was left standing in the empty corridor did the full realisation that he had feelings for Dorian Pavus hit him.

 

Oh. That explained a lot. Still, they weren’t here for that. Save the Empire first. Deal with feelings later.

 

Cullen straightened up, taking a deep breath, before heading down the stairs.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay in this guys, real life got the better of me with sickness D: 
> 
> Bit of a filler chapter, to keep the vague canon compliance here! (I realised I missed out Adamant, but assume that Cullen wasn't in attendance because baby xD) 
> 
> Maybe he'll tell Dorian he likes him eventually... Ahahaha. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who's been reading and subscribing, you guys give me life <3

“It’s ridiculous. I don’t have the time for... And he’s... well he’s a mage. A Tevinter mage. And a noble! A noble mage and a farmer’s son ex-templar? It’d be a disaster.” The conversation was one Cullen had been having with himself almost constantly since that strange moment in Orlais. In true Cullen style he hadn’t dealt with the revelation he’d had in the corridor of the Orlesian villa, ignoring it completely until after they’d returned to Skyhold. But now between battle plans and Tomas’ constantly changing needs, the memory of Dorian standing so close crept into his thoughts.  

 

So now Cullen was talking the situation through to the only person who would listen, especially when he was the one with the food. Tomas wasn’t exactly providing the helpful counsel that Cullen needed, simply repeating ‘Da’, his new favourite syllable, while happily spitting lumps of mashed potato onto Cullen’s shirt. It would have to do.

 

“Besides. I doubt he even likes me.” Cullen continued, ignoring the state his clothes were getting into in favour of getting Tomas fed. “He likes you though. And that’s good isn’t it?” Tomas seemed to agree, but he was in that mood today. “This isn’t even important. There are more pressing matters for me to focus on. Like the Arbor Wilds.”

 

The plans were being finalised, but soon enough the whole army would be moving out to catch Corypheus’ forces before they could find whatever it was they were looking for out there in such a remote place. Cullen would be going with the soldiers, and this time there was no way Tomas could come too. Cullen felt a small stab of guilt that he’d been worrying about having a silly infatuation with Dorian when he was about to leave Tomas for who knew how many days.

 

“Sorry Tommy.” He sighed, though Tomas seemed to forgive him once he was let loose to crawl around the office, another new trick of his. Cullen watched him, reports and requisitions abandoned for now.

 

The door to his tower suddenly burst open and Dorian strolled in, looking surprisingly casual in a simple tunic and leather breeches. He didn’t even acknowledge Cullen first anymore, beaming down at Tomas, who made an eager beeline for him. “Look at you! Aren’t you clever?” Tomas had no problem being picked up by Dorian, Cullen noted, though he laughed about it now.

 

“And yet you still say you don’t like children?” Cullen watched with an affectionate smile. Maker he really did have it bad for the mage, judging by the way his stomach clenched as he watched Dorian with the baby. But the other man wasn’t acting any differently around him, so Cullen could only do the same in return. The last thing he wanted was to ruin their friendship, it meant too much to him.

 

“I don’t like children. I just like _this_ child.” Dorian shot back, a smirk playing around his lips. “And he must get so bored of looking at your face all day; it’s an act of charity really.”

 

Cullen’s smile faltered a little. “Well he’s not going to see my face for a few days...”

 

“So I heard. I’d have offered to stay behind... but I know the Inquisitor wants me there.” Dorian gave Cullen a reassuring smile. “He’ll be alright you know, he’s a smart boy, he’ll know you haven’t abandoned him. Even if he gives his poor nanny a rough time.”

 

“Did you come up here to say goodbye to him? Oh Dorian what would everyone think?” Cullen laughed as Dorian made a face at him.

 

“It’s too late; he’s already damaged my hard-earned reputation as a dangerous Tevinter Magister only here to corrupt the Inquisition from the inside. Though I’m sure it still pains Mother Giselle that I spend so much time around you and Tomas.” Dorian shifted, clearly a little uncomfortable by the conversation. “Anyway I thought I’d come and make sure you hadn’t worried yourself into an early grave as well.”

 

Cullen chuckled. “I appreciate it.”

 

“Prove it, set up the board. It might be a while before we get the chance again.” Dorian settled into the chair opposite Cullen’s, Tomas happy to perch and watch. Cullen pushed down any stray thoughts and focused on setting up the board. It was easier that way.

 

*

 

Kirkwall was burning, the smoke pooling in the gap in the skyline where the Chantry should have been. The streets were littered with corpses, some human, some so very clearly not human any more.

 

Cullen was injured, he could feel the sticky wetness on his face, and he was struggling to lift his left arm where a skilfully aimed fireball had hit him in the join between his armour. The pain had faded into the background now, and he walked in a daze through the finally empty streets. The last of the demons and blood mages had been routed out, and now the Templars were heading back to the Gallows to try and make some sense of what had happened. Cullen stopped in the middle of a Lowtown street, exhaustion hitting him square in the face. What now? What were any of them supposed to do now?

 

A cry snapped him out of his stupor, a sharp and urgent cry of an infant coming from a burning house. Cullen didn’t hesitate, barely registering what he was doing before he was in there. The baby was tiny, barely older than a couple of months, and Cullen had only stopped for a moment to check the bodies near the cot for signs of life.  

 

That was how he’d found Tomas, while barely conscious himself. Cullen had taken the baby back to the Gallows, kept him close even as he searched for his family. The Order had not approved, and when they tried to force Cullen to give Tomas up to an orphanage they’d left with Seeker Cassandra and hadn’t looked back.

 

He hadn’t been without the baby since that day; he’d gone through every sleepless night, every small fret and worry, and the agonising first few weeks of withdrawal where he was sure he was going to get them both killed if someone didn’t intervene. But they’d made it. As far as Cullen was concerned, Tomas was his son, and now for the first time without him he found himself struggling to adjust.

 

Dorian had again proven himself the best friend Cullen had; listening to Cullen’s fretting as they travelled through the Dales, only occasionally making fun of his rather painful separation anxiety. Cullen started to realise just how much he enjoyed being around the mage. How it wasn’t just because he put up with Tomas, Dorian was just... a good person. Cullen didn’t think he’d have managed the journey without driving someone insane if it wasn’t for him. He’d kept his mind off Skyhold, and off the impending battle. For as long as anyone could anyway.

 

Tensions were high all round, all the soldiers knew they would face the full might of Corypheus’ army in the Wilds, and even Dorian began to grow quieter with every mile closer to their forward camp. Soon they barely said a word to each other.

 

The Orlesians had already cut a reliable path through the dense forests of the Arbor Wilds, and the forward camp was well dug in and fortified. Unfortunately none of them would be remaining there long. Cullen would push forward to the Temple of Mythal first with the rest of the Orlesian Commanders, to clear the way for the Inquisitor and Morrigan, and a small group of his inner circle, including Dorian, to enter it. Neither Cullen nor Dorian looked happy about that plan.

 

They sat in silence for a while as the armies gathered and the Inquisitor and Morrigan discussed their own plan, Cassandra hovering near her lover’s side wearing an expression Cullen was sure he was too. It wasn’t easy to send the people they loved out to do such dangerous things, and the Inquisitor had pointedly not asked her to accompany him. A selfish and awful part of Cullen almost wished he had, and left Dorian here where it was safe instead.

 

“Dorian...” Cullen started, not sure what he was doing right now. He needed to say it... while he had the chance.

 

“Yes Cullen, if anything happens to you I’ll take care of Tomas. You didn’t have to ask. You have my word.” Dorian looked at him sincerely, and Cullen blinked in the face of it. That wasn’t what he was going to say, but he was so taken aback by the genuine words he felt a little stunned.

 

“I...” Cullen tried to say something.

 

“Not that anything is going to happen to either of us thank you. I didn’t walk all this way for nothing!” Dorian was laughing now, standing up as the Inquisitor gestured him over, and the moment was gone and it was time to move out. Cullen cursed his own cowardice. It would be so easy to just tell Dorian that he loved him...

 

He loved him.

 

“Dorian!”

 

Dorian turned, looking almost expectant.

 

Cullen swallowed hard. “Stay safe, okay?”

 

And if Dorian looked disappointed by those words, Cullen didn’t know, because he turned and practically ran to his group to move out into the Wilds.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew. We're almost at the end! The penultimate chapter! 
> 
> As always, so many thanks to everyone who's read and commented/kudos/subscribed. It's incredible and blooo ;_;

The battle went better than expected, all things considered. Orlais had proven to be a steadfast ally; efficient and deadly even in an unfamiliar terrain. They had reached the Temple of Mythal, cleared the way for the Inquisitor and his group to get through. The hardest part had been to fall back, to leave the Inquisitor, and Dorian, to whatever lay within. Cullen had held until the last moment, until Cassandra had pulled him away with an expression that mirrored his own.

 

They had jobs to do, and they couldn’t let personal feelings get in the way.  They pulled back, and as per the Inquisitor’s orders began the journey back to Skyhold ahead of the rest of the army. It was a safety measure, in case the Inquisitor did not return. Cullen and Cassandra had to be there to hold things together with Leliana and Josephine.

 

The journey took four long days, bad weather and exhaustion hindering their party. Cullen kept to himself mostly, trying not to think about the people they’d left behind in the Wilds and what might have happened to them. He focused on the positive, that he’d be back to Tomas much sooner than expected.

 

When Skyhold finally loomed in the distance Cullen breathed a sigh of relief. Despite his anxiety about Dorian and the others, he had to admit he was glad to be home. Better to be worried somewhere comfortable with Tomas than out in the Wilds not helping either of them.

 

They were met by a surprise as they walked through the gates; the Inquisitor was standing in the courtyard with the rest of the welcoming party, grinning and waving as if he’d just popped out on an errand. Cullen watched with a smile as Cassandra’s usual veneer of professionalism shattered in favour of running into the Inquisitor’s arms, and he was sure he saw the Iron Bull slip Varric some silver for the display.

 

“How?” Cassandra finally asked the question they were all wondering.

 

“We found the eluvian, and went through it. We’ve been here for days waiting for you all.” The Inquisitor explained, going into more detail, but Cullen stopped listening at that moment. They were here, all of them. That meant Dorian had come back through the mirror too.

 

“You alright there Curly? You look a little out of it.” Varric appeared beside him.

 

“It’s... it’s been a long trip.” Cullen fidgeted.

 

“I guess you must be eager to get back to Curly Junior.” Varric had an unreadable smile on his face that Cullen couldn’t even begin to try and decipher. “He’s in your tower. You should be proud of Sparkler; he’s been an excellent parent while you were gone. Even put the nanny out of a job, refused to let anyone else look after him. Said you two had an agreement.”

 

If Cullen didn’t know any better he would have been sure Varric was trying to suggest something, but he was too busy smiling to himself. Dorian had taken care of Tomas? For four days? If he hadn’t already known how he’d felt about the mage, that would have been enough. Instead he just knew he had to see him right now. “Oh. I’d better... go and see him... them... Thank you Varric.”

 

He headed for the tower, entirely missing Bull approaching Varric and passing him a few more silver for another bet won.

 

*

 

About halfway there Cullen had a change of heart. He knew he should go and see Tomas and thank Dorian, but he was still dirty from the road. Instead he headed to the bathhouse. This sort of thing didn’t usually matter to him, but he wanted to be clean and wearing fresh clothes when he saw Dorian again.

 

It wasn’t that the bath meant he could spend a little longer trying to decide what he was going to say. Of course not. The idea was ridiculous. And if he spent a little longer than was necessary drying and combing his hair then it was just so he didn’t have to do it later. Obviously.

 

When he finally emerged, clean and not wearing his armour for the first time in days, he was surprised to see Cassandra hovering outside.

 

“Ah. There you are. My sources tell me you haven’t been up to see Dorian and the baby yet.”

 

“You mean Leliana told you.” It was always Leliana. That woman had eyes everywhere.

 

“Yes. Naturally.” Cassandra was also dressed down, a simple tunic not dissimilar to his own, soft leather boots, and a dark purple mark on her neck from the Inquisitor that she obviously hadn’t noticed yet. “I just wanted to make sure everything was alright. There must be a good reason why you haven’t gone to them yet?”

 

“You’re concerned? About me?” Of course she was.

 

“I know I haven’t been around as much as I should have. Between my duties, the Inquisition, and the Inquisitor... I haven’t been able to help you like I said I would.” Cassandra looked guilty, and Cullen felt a rush of affection for her. “I have to admit, I did not think you could do it alone. Raising Tomas, giving up lyrium, being the Commander of an army. But here you stand. And you did it without any help from me. I have great admiration for you.”

 

“Cassandra...” Cullen shifted, not used to this kind of praise.

 

“You shouldn’t be afraid to see what could become of having someone to rely on. We’re a lot alike Cullen. I just... I thought you might need to hear that.”

 

Cullen smiled, resisting the urge to hug the woman opposite him. “Thank you.” He said, and he meant it. She was turning, heading back to the Inquisitor’s quarters. Cullen hesitated for a moment, then called after her. “Cassandra. You may want to check your neck before talking to any of the Inquisitor’s friends...” The blush that coloured her cheeks had Cullen laughing all the way to the tower.

 

*

 

Cullen only hung around outside his door for ten minutes, which he considered pretty good for him. The sun was starting to dip behind the mountains, and the candles were already lit inside. Cullen breathed deep, and opened the door.

 

Dorian was stood in the middle of the room, a bundle in his arms that was Tomas being gently rocked. He caught sight of Cullen and his eyes lit up even as he put a finger to his mouth, a gesture so familiar to Cullen he could have laughed.

 

“I’ve just got him to sleep, don’t you dare wake him up.” Dorian whispered, and Cullen smiled at him warmly.

 

Looking around the room he could see a bed set up next to Tomas’ cot, a few of Dorian’s things lying around. He really had been looking after the baby. “You could have slept in my bed you know.” He said, not exactly what he’d been planning to say.

 

Dorian smiled, moving carefully over to Tomas’ bed to lie the child down. Tomas snuffled, but didn’t wake up. “He hasn’t been sleeping well, he’s missed you.” Dorian said, finally turning to him properly.

 

“I missed him too.” Cullen said. He wasn’t here to talk about Tomas though was he? “I... I missed you as well.”

 

Dorian looked at him, caught off guard. His hair was a mess, he had the tell-tale signs of baby food on his tunic, but right then Cullen couldn’t imagine him looking more gorgeous. He had a lot of things he wanted to say, but they all died in his throat as he stepped forward, pushing Dorian gently back into the wall.

 

“What are you doing?” Dorian asked, voice still barely more than a whisper.

 

“I don’t know.” Cullen replied with a smile, then leaned up to kiss him.

 

There wasn’t some heavenly chorus or victorious fanfare, just the sound of his heartbeat thundering his in ears as they kissed. It wasn’t world shaking, it just felt... right. Like it was something they should have done weeks ago.

 

Cullen broke away, eyes searching Dorian’s face for a moment. The other man was staring at him, still looking a little surprised, but with a smile playing around his lips. Cullen took that as a good sign, and leaned in again. At least until a wail from behind them made them both jump. Cullen turned his head to find Tomas standing up in his cot, looking slightly overwhelmed that Cullen was back.

 

“Hey Tommy.” Cullen stepped away from Dorian, only a little bit reluctantly, to pick up Tomas and give him a much-needed cuddle. “I missed you. Were you good for Dorian?”

 

Dorian didn’t look the slightest bit put out, to his credit, and instead beamed. “Of course he was, I’m his favourite. I don’t think that other nanny will volunteer again anytime soon though.” He looked between them and hesitated. “I should leave you to it...”

 

“No!” Cullen said, a little quicker than he intended. “I mean... You’re welcome to stay. I’d like you to.”

 

Dorian considered it for a moment, then visibly relaxed. “Of course.”

 

They didn’t kiss properly again that evening, just the odd little peck on the cheek when the other wasn’t paying attention, but they did end up in Cullen’s bed together, Tomas curled happily between them. It wasn’t exactly how Cullen had imagined things going, but it definitely seemed fitting. Whatever this was wouldn’t be anything without Tomas after all. He was just glad they seemed to be giving it a shot.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The end! It feels weird to be finishing this, I had a moment where I thought it wouldn't be! 
> 
> Honestly there isn't much to this chapter, I just wanted them to reaffirm what we already knew they felt and leave it open-ended... 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who's read/commented/kudos/bookmarked. You're all lovely! And no doubt I'll be back with more fluffy fluff soon enough xD

“Is it just me, or do we finally have a minute to breathe?” Cullen remarked to Tomas, who responded with a bright smile and a happy babble that convinced Cullen that he understood everything he said.

 

Things had happened quickly after the Arbor Wilds, quicker than any of them had really been prepared for. No one had expected Corypheus to attack Skyhold directly, but he had tried. Tried and failed, Cullen was happy to note. Trevelyan had destroyed him, and everyone bar Solas had returned to the Keep. That alone was a cause for celebration, a chance to lay some of the troubles down was welcomed.

 

The party that Josephine had put together in record time was impressive, though Cullen preferred to hang back near the doors rather than get too involved in the drinking and merriment.

 

Dorian caught his eye, as he always did, sitting at one of the tables with Varric and Bull, chatting away happily with a goblet in hand. Cullen smiled at the way the candlelight made Dorian’s eyes shine as he threw his head back and laughed at some story Varric was telling. He looked relaxed, and happy, and the sight alone was enough to make Cullen feel better after a long and anxious day. At least until Tomas got bored of being ignored and pulled his hair.

 

“Ow. Don’t be a brat. I’m allowed to look at someone other than you.” Cullen chided, balancing Tomas on his knee as he sat in a chair. He could just see the top of Dorian’s head and a wildly gesturing arm from his slightly lower position. The man seemed to be enjoying himself, and Cullen couldn’t help the way his stomach clenched to see it.

 

They hadn’t discussed what they were in any real depth, and beyond a few stolen kisses in corridors and a blissful evening spent with Cullen’s head in Dorian’s lap while the other man had rocked Tomas to sleep with one arm. Cullen wanted to ask him what this was, to make it clear. He wasn’t very good at subtly or hints. He wanted it laid out, so everyone knew. But asking was always just a step too far for him.

 

He knew it was foolish, Dorian was a grown man, who had even admitted that he’d pursued him a little more actively than he should have. But Cullen couldn’t help but worry. Dorian seemed so free and young, at least compared to him; it felt like he was clipping his wings by tying him down with the ex-Templar Commander and his infant son. Dorian may adore Tomas now, but what would happen if he came to resent them for making him stay?

 

“You know you’re doing the whole of Skyhold a disservice right now.” A voice broke him out of his thoughts, and Cullen found himself staring straight at the person he’d been thinking about. Dorian was looking at him with an amused smile, hands already holding onto Tomas’ as the baby had turned enthusiastically to greet him.

 

“I am?” Cullen blinked, making Dorian laugh in a way that made Cullen smile almost immediately.

 

“You know there are Noble ladies just dying to see the Commander’s adorable son and wax poetic about how sad it is and how brave you are to raise him alone.”  Dorian’s moustache twitched and Cullen relinquished his hold on Tomas so Dorian could hold him instead. “They’ll be recommending the finest schools and tutors in no time.”

 

Cullen made a face. “We’ve got time.”

 

Maker, they _did_ have time. For the first time in months they had time. There still things to be done, but it wasn’t the same. They could make plans for the future. Their future. Cullen swallowed as he watched Dorian make a face at Varric and Bull, pointing them out to Tomas. What better time to find out what this was then now?

 

Cullen stood, not entirely sure what he was doing as he took Tomas from a bemused looking Dorian. He glanced around the hall, Cassandra was busy in a corner with the Inquisitor, a blush on her cheeks as he whispered in her ear, Sera was trying to teach Cole how to juggle, and his eyes fell upon Vivienne surrounded by a small group of Noble ladies. She’d do.

 

“Vivienne, if you wouldn’t mind. Lord Dorian and I... need a moment.” Before she had any time to protest she found herself with an armful of baby, and she went from glaring to looking mildly amused. Cullen found himself slightly jealous of Tomas’ ability to charm anyone he came into contact with.  

 

“Hm, I suppose you do my dear. Though if you come back to find the boy in ringlets and speaking Orlesian I can’t say I didn’t warn you.”

 

Dorian continued to look bemused even as Cullen led him out of the hall and into the rotunda, now eerily abandoned with Solas gone. “Is there a reason we’re leaving the party? And why you’re subjecting poor Tomas to the masses without you there to protect him? Because I know Vivienne is no stranger to children, but mark my words Orlesians have a way of-”

 

“I love you.”

 

Dorian trailed off, his eyes finding Cullen’s face in the dim light. Cullen stared at the walls, barely even noticing the intricate mural. “What?”

 

“I, uh.” Cullen took a breath. “I love you. But I’m not sure... I’m not sure what this is.” He moved to sit down on the chaise lounge, suddenly feeling very tired. “I don’t want to hold you back Dorian, I know there was talk of you returning to Tevinter, and I don’t know what I could even offer you here...”

 

Dorian was still standing, eyes trailing over the lines of paint as he listened to Cullen. He rarely was so silent, and Cullen shifted a little. “Isn’t it funny...” Dorian finally spoke, a small smile playing about his lips. “Here I was, plucking up the courage under the duress of Varric and Bull to have this very same conversation with you, only for you to beat me to it. With no alcohol involved at all. You shame me Commander.” He turned and crossed the room to sit beside Cullen, leaning against the wall.

 

“You... wanted to have this conversation?” Cullen frowned a little, and Dorian made a noise of frustration in the back of his throat.

 

“Did it not occur to you that maybe I would be worried too? Look at you, the Commander of the Inquisition, a good man, a father. What could I possibly offer you?” Dorian chuckled. “Though of course, I know the answer to that question. And it’s me. I can only offer you myself.”

 

“That’s all I can offer you too.” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck.

 

 “Not true, you have an extra.”

 

“Some would say that wasn’t a good thing.”

 

“Those people are fools.” Dorian sat up suddenly, cupping Cullen’s chin with one hand and tilting the man’s head up so he could look him the eyes. Cullen blinked and flushed under the sudden intense stare.

 

“Dorian...”

 

“No,” Dorian shook his head. “Let me say this, I detest confessions and would very much like this one over. I may not be a good man, but I know myself. And I know I’d be the biggest fool if I even considered leaving you, or Tomas. I’ve grown... very fond of you both. You especially.”

 

Cullen couldn’t have kept the smile off his face if he’d tried. “Fond?” He asked innocently, drawing one of those wonderful laughs from Dorian.

 

“Yes Cullen, I love you. Is that what you wanted to hear?” Dorian let go of his face and Cullen leaned over to press a kiss to the other man’s cheek. “I’m still not sure what kind of a father I’ll make, but I’m willing to try, if you are.”

 

“You can join me in that at least.” Cullen chuckled. Dorian leaned in and Cullen closed the gap between them, savouring this quiet moment. “Though right now I’d just like you to join me...”

 

Cullen didn’t get to finish his proposal, as the door to the rotunda sprang open, Vivienne striding in with a sleepy Tomas tucked happily under her arm. “There you are my dears.” She said, with a smile and a voice that said she knew exactly what they’d been doing. “Our darling Tomas was sick on a Dowager’s best silk dress and she is positively fuming. I thought it best for you both to put him to bed, while I try to smooth things over for us all. I’ve sent your apologies to the Inquisitor ahead of you.”

 

The mischievous gleam in her eye betrayed her, and Cullen smiled gratefully as he took Tomas from her. An excuse to leave the party right now was welcomed, and no doubt Vivienne had also gained something from having Tomas act as a living weapon.

 

“Well. It seems the work of a parent is never done.” Dorian looked bemused, and Cullen squeezed his hand.

 

“It seems not. I’ll understand if you want to go back to the party...” A soft kiss interrupted him and Dorian ran an idle hand through Tomas’ hair as he looked between them.

 

“There’s nowhere I’d rather be.”

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr at: http://stripeydani.tumblr.com/


End file.
